by Christa Flannery
Today I had a revelation. I'm over-extended. Like chocolate pudding spread across too much ham. Maybe Brian helped more than I thought. Now he's back to a job with regular hours and a commute.
The house is a wreck. A wreck, like roller skates on the stairs, toys mixed with food under the dinner table, re-using clothes off the floor because the laundry is un-reachably behind. I yelled at my favorite disobeyer so hard and so often that I lost my voice. Two weeks after our quarantine we have pink eye again. I've had three crumble-into-tears breakdowns this week (not counting the My Sister's Keeper trailer).
Someone called me "Miss Perfect Mom" the other day. Ah ha, absurd. Like a fever dream, a drug hallucination with talking bananas.
This morning my kids woke me up at 6:00 AM. I told my husband that I hated them. He left as fast as he could.
I'm not soliciting a parade of sympathy but to demonstrate that I'm just like any other mom: I usually don't shower until 4:00 PM. Deadlines come and go. I lose my temper as often as I lose my keys.
I find it's easy to look from outside in on someone else's life and make judgements.
"Wow, she has it together. Her marriage is perfect. Her hair is never out of place. Boy I wish my kids were like that."
"Bet you could find a den of rats under all those toys. I've never seen kids more out of control. I can't imagine how she conceived so many children. Boy I'm glad I'm not like her."
I'm sure I have been judged by both of those sentiments at different (same?) times.
Truth is, all of us try to raise our kids and keep our home to the best of our ability and we all fall short. Maybe I don't discipline the way you would. Perhaps my system for mobilizing kids puts yours to shame. Or could be my kitchen floor is beyond cleaning and just needs a good house fire.
While other people might look at the tidiness of my house, the behavior of my kids or whether or not I have a chance to bathe (or breathe), I'm glad God looks at the heart. That means I'm okay as long as I keep turning my heart towards Him, asking forgiveness when I fail, trying hard and stumbling humbly.
PS. It is 6:00 PM on Thursday before MOPS. These newsletters don't write themselves. If they did they wouldn't be so late.
3 comments:
I don't think you guys are perfect or horrible - just some of my favorite people in the world: kids and floors and laundry and marriage and memories and all.
To God be all glory,
Lisa
This is my first time to this blog and it was nice to hear that other mom's have hard times too. I am at home with a newborn and toddler and trying to adjust and our life is sometimes a mess.
Thank you so much for the honesty. Life is not perfect, people are not perfect and we should not expect perfectness from ourselves. The only perfect people are in heaven.
Post a Comment