The Good Work In Me

The older my kids get, the more I wonder how
I'm going to react. I desperately want to protect my kids
from this x-rated world but I can't protect them from
everything. That scares me. I know all too well how
dangerous and x-rated the world can be.

I have two earliest memories, foundational
events: First, at the age of five, I said the "dear Jesus,
please come into my heart" prayer. Jesus forgave me of
my sins (few at the time) and lived inside my heart.
Second, I was sexually molested by a neighborhood
friend.

The best way to describe my childhood is like having multiple personality disorder. Behind face number one was a
passionate, little Jesus freak who wanted everyone to know about God's love for them. But behind face number two was a
very broken little girl who was far too sexually curious for her age.

However hard I tried I could not find the strength within myself to choose the right things. From the outside, I looked
like the perfect child, the perfect Christian. I was bold about my faith, telling everyone about my love for Jesus, and his love for
them. But there was a secret part of myself that was out of control and I could not reign it in.

When I was fifteen my mother discovered face number two. More than anything, I was terrified about having to tell
my dad. I feared that he would be disappointed and angry. Instead, I was met with love, grace and forgiveness. For the
first time, I began to understand God as the compassionate Father.

I always thought that I had to behave well enough and measure up. My parents took me to a Christian counselor who
explained that we couldn't do the right things on our own but that we needed to depend on the Holy Spirit to work in our lives.
I had spent ten years as a Christian but for the first time I understood Christ as the center and source of my life. A miraculous
transformation began to take place in me as I stopped trying to do good things but instead began trusting God to do the work
in and through me.

Philippians 1:6 says "For I am confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it
on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Looking back, I realize that I trusted God to begin the good work
but thought that I had to finish everything and make myself perfect. Now I see that He does it all. He does that work in us
because he loves us!

By no means am I perfect. (How about you?) I am a lot less messed up than when I was a kid. God has healed
some deep wounds that I had self-inflicted. He didn't protect me from meeting the x-rated world but he did restore me.

Now I have a wonderful, healthy marriage and great kids. Everything good in my life is not because I earned it. It is
all a grace from God.

As a mom, I find great hope and peace in that scripture. It is easy to become afraid when faced with the giant task of
raising the next generation. Ever feel overwhelmed?

Philippians 1:6 reminds me that I can send my kids in the right direction but their ultimate spiritual formation is not
my job. God is the one who begins the work and He is the one who will perfect it.